I am feeling extra-snarky, so let's check in on some dumbass trends in the gear world, shall we?

1. Hinderer/Steel Flame Collab Filler Tabs: Have we nothing left to spend our money on than collaborations on tiny steel plates to cover up the "unsightly" screw holes with actually unsightly pieces of branded junk?

2. Door-knob sized lanyard beads: donuts and spaceship door knobs as lanyards are one thing, but when they are the size of a REAL donut, whoa...things have gotten out of hand.

Usually I am not a lanyard guy to begin with, but this trend of HUGE lanyards is something I don't get. Compensate much?

3. ZT "Limited" Releases: 'Member the good ole days when we'd get stuff like the ZT0888 and the ZT0600? Now we are "treated" to new colorations of wharncliffe Ecklipses/ZT0392. Auston I don't care how good a knife it is, I want my ZT Limited releases to be Uber ZTs. The ZT0454 spoiled me for all time.

4. Busse Wait Times: We don't make the knives you buy, we make the wait times longer. Oh, wait, I think there is something about 3M (which, despite the slick modern sounding name, stands for Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing) in there. Listen, Jerry, it's a slab of steel that you kinda grind and kinda put an edge on. Then you glue slabs of G10 on it, cover it in deck paint and ship it. That can't be a long process. I'll give you some leeway because, after all, you are making the sheathes for the knives. Oh, wait...

5. Fawning over custom tactical knives: Let's be serious, these should all be users. Even the ones gilded to the hilt with Moki-Latte-Ti (thanks Dan) are really just the knife equivalent of the King Ranch Fords--gussied up versions of a work item. Scott Sawby's Swift showed me what the real high end looks like and frankly it is a bit embarrassing for the folks that treat their tactical custom knives like Faberge Eggs.

6. Politics on Knife Instagram: I go check out people's knives to ESCAPE the constant drone of the breathless political discussions on the news. I don't want to know who you think should be president. I could care less about some random dude's political opinions. You are free to express them and I am free to ignore them and comment on my blog about how I hate seeing them in my feed. I also think there is a large group of knife owners that have a vastly different personal politics than those posting on Instagram. As a community, let's not devolve into what happened elsewhere in our society--let's stick to the things that we all share, in this case, our love of gear.

I will note that I am specifically referencing the presidential election. I am and always will be a big supporter of Constitutional rights--all of them from due process and equal protection to the right to bear arms and be free from unreasonable searches and seizures. I am not a picky-and-choosy person when it comes to constitutional rights. Well, except that stupid one that was repealed that banned booze. That one was dumb.

7. Pocket Chunks: First, we had knives and flashlights. Then they got all fancy. Then we got makers producing one metric ton of one piece multitools. Then they got fancy. Then makers started releasing the aforementioned giant beads. They got fancy. Then folks started gussing up the accessories to their knives with hideous Steelflame clips and the like. Now we have what I refer to as "pocket chunks". "Makers" and I am using that term loosely and in quotes for a reason, are releasing what are literally just chunks of fancy material with minimal processing. Tom Krein, a maker whose work I love, is making copper worry stones (which are quite worked over) and other functionless stuff. Some guy on Instagram was selling disks of superconductor, not as a handle material, but as um...this thing you put in your pocket?

Then there is the "Lucky Fatman." Remember the pickle from Bad Santa? That is what the Lucky Fatman looks like. There is a portion of this community that just befuddles me. I will carve out an exception for the mesmerizing Torqbar. Yes, it is useless and expensive but have you seen it spin and spin and spin. PS: If you know how to get one, drop me a line in the comments below.

8. "Exotic" Materials: You know what? Carbon fiber is not an exotic material. See--

Someone made a bathtub of it.

Neither is Timascus or Mokuti or even Zircuti (or however you spell that). These are MANMADE materials. They cannot be exotic or rare if we can just make as much as we want. They might be expensive because, unlike the steel used in knife blades, they have no industrial purpose and thus are produced in small quantities, but they aren't rare or exotic. I also have a sneaking suspicion that they are expensive because people are willing to pay a premium for them. And can I be 100% candid? I think Moku Ti is ugly. There I said it. I feel much better. I'd prefer that the yellow, blue, and purple color combination stay on the 90s hit pants Skidz and away from my knives. Gimme one of the classy and genuinely rare wood inlays from a Mnandi and I am happy as far as adornment goes. Have you seen the board foot price for Snakewood recently? And given that it is the interior wood of an already hard to find species, I think it qualifies as actually rare. And get it while you can, the Mnandi is going to be switching away from it, probably for this very reason.

9. Early Lock Up: I had a conversation with my brother in law, a mechanical engineer that works for a big defense contractor. I showed him a bunch of knives with different locks and asked him to pick his favorite, from an engineering perspective. He liked the Axis lock, but worried about the omega springs (seeing as they have been a problem in the past that BM acknowledged, I think he got it right). He finally settled on a framelock, but liked the ones with later lock up. The larger the surface area of the interface between blade and lock the more stable it is. So while I appreciate, the "craftsmanship" of stable early lock up, I think it is silly to fetishize it.

I don't think it makes a maker a better craftsman or a knife a better knife. It's like saying a car is slower because of its paint job.

10. Tip Up v. Tip Down: Listen, Mall Ninja, there is just no way this matters. Unless you have a wave knife, whether the knife is tip up or tip down, just can't be worth any amount of worry. The speed difference is negligible and so long as the knife is at least competently made, there is no issue with hitting a pointy edge by accident. If you think this makes a difference, comment below. And know that you are wrong.

There you have it. I am all snarked out.