Stop sending me garbage

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is a semi-humorous rant.

No this isn’t a complaint about receiving unsolicited junk knives with something that the sender claims is Damascus—this is about packaging. I fully understand that there is a segment of the population that LOVE packaging. This is why there are unboxing videos on Youtube (fun fact, I have never watched an unboxing video or taken a selfie with no one else in frame—both of these make me very old fashioned). There is a huge marketing push for packaging and there are people that relish the ritual of opening new things.

Those people are morons.

This nothing more than wasteful behavior that aggrandizes consumption. Let’s get to it, let’s stop wasting time, resources, and money. Let’s stop spending money on neatly folded and embossed pieces of cardboard. Mick Strider had it right all those years ago. Knife in ziplock bag-that is it.

My position on packaging has changed, in large part thanks to something Myke Hurley said on the always wonderful Pen Addict Podcast—when people send you items in boxes, they are knowingly sending you trash.

The packaging for EDC gear has gotten silly and as a result, we purchasers of said gear are actively soliciting people to send us garbage. Here is a list of shit I don’t need to be sent:

1. A box for a knife;

2. A drawstring bag for a knife that is held in a box;

3. A certificate of authenticity for a knife held in a drawstring bag held in a box;

4. A padded case for a knife held in a drawstring bag that is held in a box that is accompanied by a certificate of authenticity;

5. A sheet of knife tips for a knife held in a bag, held in a padded case, contained in a box accompanied by a certificate of authenticity;

6. A friction fit pocket clip that I immediately remove;

7. A Spyderco spoon style pocket clip whose placement on the knife is dictated not by use or performance but the need to cram in a lanyard hole;

8. Speaking of lanyard holes, a lanyard on a knife in a bag in a case in a box accompanied by a certificate of authenticity; and

9. A microfiber cloth in the box with the bag and the case and the certificate of authenticity with the shitty clip and the piece of paper with useless information on it.

Save the advertising for dopes who talk about “unboxing experiences” (these are also the useless fops that have handwinding watches). The knife you are selling me is not a heirloom. I am not passing down to my children (or, more likely, they won’t want a 40 year old knife from me—let me tell you about the 7 and half pound folder of my Grandfather’s that people wanted me to have). Its not going to end up in a museum. Hell, for most knife people, any given purchase is really a rental that they resell for 80% of the price nine months later when the new hotness comes out. So, please, knife companies, stop sending me garbage.

Here is what we actually need:

If I got this out of a padded mailer or a flat rate box with a company sticker closing the bag to show it has not been used before, I would be thrilled. But if that is too much restraint, here is what is acceptable to send:

1. ONE and only ONE sticker, preferably a vinyl one, preferably small and tasteful (no politics, no sexual content);

2. A driver bit or hex wrench to disassemble the knife;

3. Pivot lube; and

4. NOTHING ELSE.

Why are we keeping all of this shit—the boxes and bags and cases and clips? Who are they for? More importantly—WHY ARE WE GETTING ALL OF THIS STUFF? Gear companies, cut out the crap you send us and lower the price of the gear or at least the shipping as there is less stuff to ship. And please, please, please please, stop sending me garbage.