I have never been into the look of a Rolex or the unnecessarily busy dials on an Omega. But I was smitten by the appearance of the Grand Seiko SBGA211, also known as the Snowflake. I was also intrigued by the Spring Drive, which offers the mechanical complexity of an automatic with the accuracy and ease of use of a quartz watch. But alas the Snowflake was an exceptionally expensive watch. Until I purchased the Snowflake and excluding cars, the most expensive thing I ever purchased for myself was either a table saw or the Scott Sawby Swift, depending of if you include the engraving. My Space Bucks account funds most of the purchases for the site and review samples (allowing me to review things without the temptation of “free samples”). But it never swells to the price of even a used Snowflake. I always told myself that if something big happened, I’d get a Snowflake.

Well, this year, something big did happen—my 25th wedding anniversary. I am 46 years old, so that number seems strangely high, but if you do the math you realize I got married very young or at least young for the 21st Century in America. Here are some observations I can make after 25 years of marriage.

Marriage is work.

When you first meet someone you like, its hard not to want to be around them. But that is the easy part, the animal attraction part. That comes along often and is easy to find. Sifting through those powerful, primordial emotions, and finding a person that is willing to commit to something and work at it, that’s the key. Sometimes you will fight. Sometimes you will disagree and be mad at the other person. But if you elevate the marriage to something beyond the whims and turbulent impulses of daily emotions, and, instead, making the highest priority, the longest of long term goals, and the most important thing in your life, all of the rest will follow. You will have to learn to apologize and learn how to be yourself but give in when needed. Its hard, but if your marriage is your highest value, the thing that trumps everything else, it will organize your life in a way that makes everything better.

If you can have a good day doing chores or mundane errands, it will last.

Everyone can have fun on a vacation. Visiting a tropical location or a new city is fun and easy. Having a good time with another person doing that stuff isn’t complicated. But if you can find joy in spending time with the other person even while doing boring stuff, you have a winner. When my wife and I were first dating, I had a job on a military base. There was a huge soccer tournament on the base and I had to do gate duty. I had no gun or authority. I couldn’t stop cars. But the base wanted someone there so it looked like they were taking security seriously. I was on the gate for about 11 hours. She spent the entire time with me and it was fun. We played gin rummy. We got lunch. And we did nothing but talk with each other. Even now, probably almost 30 years later, I remember it as one of my favorite days. It was a great test run for a weekend where we do chores, go to the grocery, and prepare meals for the week. That stuff can be pretty enjoyable if you find the right person. And trust me—more of your life will be those weekends than weekends spent on a beach.

Have a plan, but don’t follow it religiously.

We had a plan—jobs, kids, etc. But I ended up with a career I didn’t expect doing something I said I would never do. She ended up exactly where she had planned. But it all worked out. We had kids later than we probably planned, but it makes us wiser and smarter parents. We bought a starter home and lived in it a little bit longer than we should, but we sold it at the right time and got some real equity. Over and over again, I learned it is helpful to have a plan and be attentive to it, but also to be flexible. When I opened my own firm, my wife got cancer, and we went into COVID lockdown all within 5 months of each other, stuff felt crazy and out of control, but because we had a plan and a partnership that was the most important thing in our lives, we made it through and came out better for it.

Have separate interests.

Sure its great if you both like the same sports team, but having separate interests helps too. My workshop is a space where she is invited, of course, but she doesn’t frequent often. Her kitchen is a place I go every day, but when she is a cooking firestorm, I watch from afar. Having some separate interests gives you space to grow and absences that, well, you know…

Talk every day.

We go on a walk almost every single day. Its about a mile or two and we don’t pound the pavement. But it gives us a chance to chat and reconnect and figure stuff out. Its just us too. No kids, no phones, no other people. Its kind of our time to deliberate about things, hear what the other is going through, and make joint decisions. Our marriage has been much, much stronger since we placed a priority on the walk. And it is exercise. But the real value is that we both get to spend time with our best friend every day.

So yeah, I got the grail watch I wanted. It took me about twenty five years to get it. But as a symbol of something so much more valuable, I love wearing it every day.

Sorry for the non-gear related post.